It is quarter to six. Your coat is already over the back of your chair, and then a colleague appears at your desk: "Could you have a quick look at that quote? It's only ten minutes." It turns into forty. You miss the 18:12 train, you text home that you'll be late, and on the train your mind is still in that quote. Tomorrow it happens again. After all, you have just proved that it can be done.
If this sounds familiar, you are probably not a bad planner. It is often the reliable people, the ones who don't want to let their team down and who feel the discomfort of saying no more sharply than the discomfort of another evening of overtime. That is why it helps not to see boundaries as a personality trait you either have or don't. It is a skill, and skills can be practised.
You are not the only one
In the Flemish workability monitor (werkbaarheidsmonitor) run by SERV and Stichting Innovatie & Arbeid, 33.2% of employees said in 2023 that their workload was high. 36.1% had work-stress complaints, and for 13.4% those complaints were severe enough for the researchers to speak of burnout symptoms. In 2004 the share with work-stress complaints was still 28.9%.
Those figures point to something that is easy to forget when you are still answering emails at eight in the evening: workload is first and foremost a matter of how work is organised. Setting boundaries does not solve that. It does stop you from becoming the safety net for everything that gets dropped elsewhere in the organisation.
Why saying no feels so heavy
A request from a colleague rarely feels like a neutral question. It feels like a small test of your loyalty. Refusing sets off a social alarm: what if she thinks I'm difficult, what if I'm marked down as inflexible at my next appraisal? Saying yes silences that alarm at once. You pay the price later, that evening or that week, and a bill that arrives later feels less real.
On top of that, availability reinforces itself. Whoever always says yes is the first person people think of. Not out of ill will, but because it works. Expectations quietly grow along with your willingness, until nobody remembers it was ever different.
The guilt that surfaces when you do say no is therefore not proof that you are doing something wrong. Often it is simply the sound of a pattern changing. It gets quieter as you notice that your working relationships survive a no. They almost always do.
Know your limit before you have to defend it
A boundary you only discover the moment someone crosses it is hard to protect. For one week, write down when you feel tense or irritated at work. A pattern usually emerges. Meetings that overrun while the after-school club closes at six. Emails that land after eight in the evening. Tasks that really belong to another team. Or Sunday evening, when you open your inbox "just for a second" and then lie awake.
Once you know where it pinches, pick one boundary that genuinely makes a difference. You don't have to change everything at once. Someone who decides on Monday never again to work past six, to say no to everything and to take an hour's lunch every day is usually back where they started by Thursday.
What a no that works sounds like
A good no is short and friendly, and it gives the other person something to work with. A long explanation often backfires: the more reasons you give, the more there is to argue with. A few phrases that tend to land well:
- "I can't fit it in today. I can free up half an hour tomorrow morning."
- "If I pick this up now, the report for John will slip. Which matters more to you?"
- "I don't read email after six. If something is really on fire, give me a call."
- "I'm not the right person for that. Try Sarah in planning."
None of those sentences contains an apology. You can be friendly without apologising for the fact that your day only has eight hours in it. And you don't have to answer straight away. "Let me check my diary and I'll get back to you within the hour" gives you just enough room not to say yes on reflex.
Make workload a shared problem
For many people it doesn't go wrong on one request but on the sum of them. Turning each one down separately then does little. What works better is to put your full list in front of your manager and ask them to choose with you. "These are the seven things on my plate. This week I can do four of them properly. Which four?" That makes visible what would otherwise stay invisible, and it puts the choice where it belongs: with the person responsible for dividing up the work.
In the monitor's sector report on financial services, insufficient support from the direct manager emerges as an important factor in work-stress complaints. A manager who knows what is on your plate can adjust. A manager who doesn't will assume it is fine.
It is also worth asking what your organisation has agreed about being reachable outside working hours. Since the 2022 Belgian labour deal, many employers have set down arrangements on the right to disconnect, in a collective agreement or in the work rules. A rule in black and white makes it easier to answer a ten o'clock email the next morning.
Breaks and a deliberate end to the day
Working without breaks feels efficient, but your energy runs down. A meta-analysis by Albulescu and colleagues found that short breaks of ten minutes or less give people somewhat more energy and reduce fatigue. The effect on performance was less clear, and after demanding mental work ten minutes does not seem to be enough. A proper lunch, away from your screen, is therefore not a luxury. Put it in your diary like any other appointment and it is less likely to be sacrificed.
The end of your working day deserves the same attention. Working from home, you lose the natural transition of the commute: no car, no bike, no train in which your mind can switch over. A fixed ritual can take over that role. Write down the three things you will start with tomorrow, close your laptop and put it out of sight. What is written down, your head no longer has to hold. Turning off work email notifications on your phone after a set time is a small change that can bring a lot of calm.
When boundaries are not enough
Setting boundaries is not a cure-all. If your role structurally demands more than fits into the time available, or if you work in a culture where leaving at five earns you sideways looks, well-chosen phrases will only move the problem around. What is needed then is a conversation about your workload and the team's staffing. You can also turn to the confidential counsellor (vertrouwenspersoon) or the prevention adviser for psychosocial risks. That too is setting boundaries, at a different level.
Watch out as well for signs that you are already past your limit. Sleeping badly. Brooding on Sunday evening. Being short with the people you love. Losing interest in things that used to do you good, or falling ill every time in the week after a deadline. If you notice this for weeks, see your GP or talk to a psychologist. It is not a sign of weakness. It is maintenance.
If you manage a team
Your team watches what you do more than what you say. Sending emails at eleven at night shows what is normal, even if the subject line says "not urgent". Schedule your emails for the next morning, leave on time yourself, and in team meetings ask not only what is finished but also what is being left undone. If you guard your boundaries, others will dare to do the same.
If it is getting on top of you anyway, talk about it: with your manager, with HR or with someone outside work. Your employer may also offer confidential support through Meapy Health, where you can talk to a psychologist or coach free of charge.
Sources
SERV/Stichting Innovatie & Arbeid, Vlaamse werkbaarheidsmonitor werknemers 2004-2023: sector report financial services (2025, in Dutch). publicaties.vlaanderen.be/view-file/75246
Albulescu P. et al., "Give me a break!" A systematic review and meta-analysis on the efficacy of micro-breaks for increasing well-being and performance, PLOS ONE (2022). doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0272460
